#reverb10 11: 11 Things
What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?
Eleven things my life doesn’t need. I can come up with a lot more than eleven, heck I could bat off seven of them if I stuck with the vices. But I don’t think that was the intent of this prompt.
So at the risk of turning this into one of those List Sites which I frequent way too much, here are my top 11:
No, I don’t mean as in the district, I mean as in ‘low battery power’. Seriously, nothing fills me with more dread than seeing that indicator pop up. On my DS, it was a red light. I hated it.
Remember when you asked mom to take you to Star Wars? And she said “Yes!” And you were all like, “MY MOM IS BOSS!” And you went to school and bragged to your friends. And they said things like, “You and your mom are like the coolest things on the planet UNIVERSE!” And you started dreaming of standing in line, and losing your tickets, and then waking up in a cold sweat, only to start chuckling to yourself because it was all a dream. And then the fateful day arrived. And your mom took you to see 2001: A Space Odyssey at a cheap, rerun theatre. And although the movie is cool in itself, it sure took forever for that ship to dock. And there were no blasters. And HAL was scary. And you went home and cried.
Well, Low Battery indicators are nothing like that. But I still hate it.
How will I eliminate them?
Charge them every night.
I was working on my computer. It is my Windows, work computer. It started to get slow when I typed, like it does when Hootsuite or Mibbit start doing things in the background.
BAM!
Windows dies.
Computer dies.
The hard drive is completely messed up.
I had to take it to a data recover site and spent lots of money. It was very depressing. Not my money, which would have been more depressing, but it was still depressing.
How will I eliminate this?
Back up more. Sometimes, I hate Windows.
Did you know that apple seeds have arsenic in them? If you were to eat apple seeds daily, you would slowly poison yourself with arsenic. Poisoning leads to death! You know what else has arsenic in it? Dolomite. That means, if you ingest dolomite right now, you could be poisoning yourself as we speak!
Salt has arsenic too. Ooooh, I can’t resist salt. Well, I guess Arsenic poisoning isn’t too bad as long as I get chips.
How will I eliminate arsenic?
Chips are my weak point. Bowel discomfort here I come!
I use Facebook. I like Facebook. I don’t update it often, but I do check it almost every day. However, there is one thing that annoys me, and that’s how all the other sites know that I’m logged on to facebook.
Now, I’m the guy that keeps my profile completely open so anyone can post on it, anyone can read it, anyone can stalk me. This shouldn’t bother me. But it does.
Heck, I’m not stupid enough to go anywhere that will get me in trouble (like Wikileaks) but do I really want you to know I was on the Cracked site looking at 5 Insane True Facts About Starcraft? I can’t even get you guys to check out my site, so why am I worried?
I just don’t want you guys to know I have a gaming addiction.
Oh, and another reason! Sometimes Dove and I use the same computer to go on Facebook. Sometimes I’m reading through her newsfeed thinking, “WHO THE HECK IS THAT?” Then I start replying on other posts with, “BWAA HA HA HAA I STALKZ YUZ!” Then I realize I’m going in as someone who is not me. Dove doesn’t like that.
How will I eliminate this problem?
I log out of Facebook.
I used to post images on this website. I would go and steal find a nice image, bring it to my computer, crop it, upload it, and then place it in the post.
Not any more, because imgur.com, an online pic storage site, is AWESOME.
Why? Why do you ask?
Let me show you. Let’s say you find a pic on the internets that is totally cool, like this:
Well, if you had the Firefox imgur plug-in, you could just right click that baby and get presented with a whole host of options.
Now, I can upload it straight to the imgur.com site, I can crop it easily, or shrink the size, and then I will get a URL which I can link into my site! Huzzah! I don’t have to store it on my own personal site, I don’t have to find where it was originally, it’s all there.
Also, if I DO have it on the computer, I can just drag and drop it onto the webpage itself, and it will upload for me. It’s so easy to use it’s almost like a Mac.
I really like imgur.
How will I eliminate this problem?
Continue using imgur. Awesomeness.
How will I eliminate this problem?
More sex.
Ok, I had a livejournal account a long time ago. It was slow. And then, just this year, when I joined the Filk Community, I learned they were all on live journal. And because I join websites like geeks collect figurines, I decided to delve in again.
And then…. and then I get hit with this nastiness:
Look, it’s bad enough on youtube, but at least there a) I know how long it will last, and b) I’m watching a video anyway.
But if I’m on Livejournal, and I see that I have ONE FREAKING Message, I don’t want to sit through a Clearasil ad.
I’m so upset, I’m not even going to link to that site.
How will I eliminate this problem?
Avoid livejournal like I avoid dirty diapers.
What? I can’t sit through one Clearasil ad? Has it come down to that? Am I that petty?
Pretty much.
How will I eliminate impatience?
Avoid livejournal like I avoid Clearasil ads.
I had a DS power cable. Fluffytron chewed it. Fluffytron chews a lot of things.
May I tell you my children’s favourite story of daddy destruction?
This was my facebook status September 22nd at 9:22am:
Every morning, Fluffytron wakes the children. The children, joyous in their awaketitude, takes Fluffytron to our room. Is there concern about sleeping daddy? No. So as the children roll about on the bed trying to catch and maul Fluffytron, who is also in the bed, I try to grab a few minutes of rest. This particular morning, it peed on my head. I, in a fatigued stupor, thought, “Oh… how warm and ni- WAIT A MINUTE.” Animals should have stayed as food and labour.
How will I eliminate this evil?
Still working on it.
I missed it.
A lot.
We drink from the tap. And I have no qualms about drinking from the tap, it’s just that it isn’t as cold as I like. Furthermore, it doesn’t quench my thirst. I don’t know why, but try as I might, I just don’t enjoy it.
How will I eliminate tepidness?
I started boiling water, pouring them into plastic pitchers, and keeping them in the fridge. My wife finds me strange.
Now I think I need to lower the temperature of the fridge.
Thing is, I look at the prompts and I think it’s trying to get me to admit to a problem I don’t have. How am I beautifully different? How do I need to let go? What do I wonder about? It’s like a bad counseling session.
That isn’t to say these are bad questions, they’re just not good questions for me. Even this question isn’t good for me. I would rather talk about all the fun new things I acquired, not 11 things I need to eliminate.
Thing is, I think about me all the time. I tell others about me, I post about me. Heck, when this is done, I’m tweeting it.
I’m sure tired of me, why in the world do I want to think more about me?
“Then why did you join, you ungrateful juicebag?” you may be asking.
I thought it would be a fun challenge! But… it’s just brought out the cynical Errol.
I am still going to continue, and maybe I have to get into the swing of things. I wouldn’t be any better at prompts, if I were asked I would probably get you guys to upload your favourite AT-AT screenshots. But I look at the upcoming ones and feel the same lethargic response when my wife presents me with things like outdoor, bug-infested, nature walks.
I doubt I’ll be featured on the site anytime soon.
BTW, I think “juicebag” is awesome:
That was a perfect mix of cynicism and fun to wake up to (let’s ignore that I’ve already been up for hours). Thank you.
Why would anyone want to poison themselves by eating Dolemite? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KSZC99cVSQ
And yes, I agree, these prompts are somewhat…painful. Perhaps that’s why I’m so behind on them, as well.
Keep at it, Mr. Cynical. Maybe some good will come of it.